LINCOLN, NE—Absolving himself from any further obligation to the insect, local man Samuel Platte confirmed Tuesday that it was “no goddamn use” trying to help the fly currently stuck inside his apartment if it didn’t truly want to be helped. “Look, pal, you gotta meet me halfway and at least try to get back outside, because at a certain point, I’m the one doing all the work here,” said Platte, 28, opening all four windows of his studio apartment in an effort to make the fly’s exit as easy as possible.
